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Then take this bucket and soap! You still have C-Zone's toilets to clean!

<i>Dear Mr. K:</i>

<i>I hope all is well. I am writing to you from Mansfield State Prison, it's midnight.</i>

<i>Hardly anything has changed since I first infiltrated the place.</i>

<i>The prison guards like to throw their weight around and do basically nothing else. All the prisoners can do is costume what little sanity they have in fights.</i>

<i>My most respected sir, please get me out of this prison as soon as possible.</i>

<i>I know better than anyone that, given your influence, saving me should be a trivial matter.</i>

<i>In your letter, you called me an important asset to the Beachbrella Company, but I understand that I am merely one of the company's countless employees. The only reason that I am considered a more valuable asset than others is the greater power I possess.</i>

<i>I implore you to help me out of this place as soon as possible. Prolonged incarceration will cost me the edge I had. The value that I could provide you would be diminished.</i>

<i>Your loyal...</i>

Jesselton stops at his signature.

He grips his pen with force and grits his teeth, crossing out his original signature.

'Your humblest servant, Jesselton Williams.'

This... This will do.

Chin up, Jesselton. Chin up... You've been Beachbrella's employee of the year for five consecutive years now. They will not abandon you.

They will not abandon you!

That's right. They will never abandon you!

Soon. It will be very soon.

Once I get out of this place, I will find a way to get back at these prisoners and the guards—

Never mind. I'll worry about this after I'm out.

Whatever happened to Jesselton Williams?

Would Beachbrella's Mr. K extend a helping hand to his employee in distress?

Stay tuned to Channel 58 and find out on the next 'True Stories.'

Hahahaha... Hahahahaha!

Oh, I'm so gonna watch this again. What's this called? 'True Stories?'

I told you you were going to love this show!

I've been watching it for a while now, but the actor who plays Jesselton's really nailing it!

Channel 58's upped their game with this one. Where'd they find such a great actor anyway? What else is he in?

No clue. The main selling point of the show is its mockumentaries, and they don't ever credit their actors.

He's probably fresh from some drama school. I bet he's got a bright future ahead of him, haha!

To a bright future!

To a bright future.

This is some good stuff.

Fine booze.

You know, I'm just thinking.

What if that guy wasn't an actor, and he was actually the guy himself. What do you think?

Not a bad joke.

I'm not—

It's a good one. Haha!

Hahahaha!

Hahaha...

(Music)

'True Stories' is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual events is entirely coincidental.

See you next week.