act7d5

...I don't know.

Huh? You want to buy something but you don't know what it is?

Ah, sorry, my companion is easily distracted.

We want some local Kazimierz's goods.

At that point, I realized my second problem. I do not know what everyone in the medical section enjoys.

That isn't to say we don't have a good relationship. On the contrary, Dr. Silence and I should be good friends, according to the broad definition of the term.

We've worked together extensively since our time at Rhine Lab, and she's the one who invited me to Rhodes Island.

My relationships with the rest of the medic operators are amicable as well.

But I don't know what they like.

I never thought about it.

After that, we headed back to camp, and the rest of the expedition proceeded without incident.

But on the way back, I began to think about something I had never realized was wrong.

Well.... Of course, I actually slept about half the trip.

On the way to the village, I even fell asleep in the middle of the road.

But to make for an easier read, I will omit those details.

Since joining Rhine Lab and transferring to Rhodes Island...?

Ptilopsis, open up!

Ifrit, what are you doing here?

Silence is busy in the lab. I heard you were back so I came to see you.

It's like, since you're pretty much always here, it was a lot weirder to have you gone. I'm used to Silence being out.

I'm so glad you're back!

Indeed, I rarely go out.

...Indeed, I rarely go out.

Why'd you say that twice, Ptilopsis?

It just occurred to me that I don't actually go outside very often.

Huh? Did you hit your head out there?

No, it was just some unknown error in the system. It has been fixed.

I bought some Kazimierz goods. They're over there.

Really! Let's see....

Wow, this is a cool wooden sword.

Hya! Whew! Shwing!

Check it out. Don't I look like one of those flippy Kurantas?

No.

Eh.... Whatever. I still want it!

Good.

There is a storybook on the shelf. You can read it over there. I'm going to write something.

Sweet!

Phew.... Now then.

It's been a long time since I joined Rhine Lab and moved to Rhodes Island.

I'm completely used to the way things are now and subconsciously consider it normal.

But this trip made me realize that's not the case.

Not that I reject the life I lead. I have just suddenly become aware of this problem.

That is, I am myself quite far from normal.

Is 'normal' the correct word here? Is it my life that is abnormal?

...Broadly speaking, I suppose it is.

And I simply forget.

Even I have a hard time describing what Oripathy has taken from me and given to me.

I can manage that once Silence worked out a treatment plan for me at Rhine Lab, research and sleep gradually took over my entire life.

My body doesn't allow me to do time-consuming work, let alone leave the facility.

I am self-conscious about my condition, so even on the rare occasions that I do go outside, I do not move about so freely.

For as long as I can remember, all my knowledge of the outside world has come almost entirely from the descriptions of my colleagues, various documents, and the unchanging view outside my window.

Now that I think about it, it's only natural that I would aspire to be like Gavial and Ansel.

But before today, I did not realize why.

Because I can't help but compartmentalize myself when people discuss their lives.

I can engage with their topics, but I subconsciously think I don't belong in them.

Ptilopsis, what are you writing? Doesn't look like a report to me.

A diary.

A diary? Oh, Silence told me to keep one, but it was a huge pain!

True, it is a lot of work to write every day, but it is necessary for me.

Why?

To keep myself from forgetting.

Why do you forget?

Because I am forgetful.

Um.... Don't get it.

It is better if you don't.

Oh.... Can I see it?

You can. But it is all text. I don't think you will like it.

Yeah, screw it. I'll go back to my storybook.

Right.

Now then, where was I...?

Silence, what's the matter? Something wrong in the lab?

Huh? Ah, no.

I'm just trying to figure out what to get Ifrit for her birthday. It's coming up.

A birthday present?

Yes. It needs to be fireproof, and it needs to be something she likes. Ugh, a child's mind is so unpredictable.

I should just make something myself.

What?

Nothing. I was just pondering how even Silence thinks about such things.

Is it that strange? Well... maybe it's a bit unlike me.

But since I decided to take Ifrit with me, these things are my responsibility.

Even Silence, who can bury herself in her work for days on end, has such a side to her.

I understand that this is my own problem.

Or should I say, it was not a problem to begin with.

I don't feel so bad, because I do not dislike this researcher's life.

On the other hand, if I hated research, I wouldn't have joined Rhine Lab at all.

Whether at Rhine Lab or Rhodes Island, I have seen countless people more miserable than I. And I'm lucky compared to them.

And I believe that the research I'm doing is something meaningful.

So, I'm not writing this as a lamentation, or to say that I've suddenly realized that I've been living the wrong kind of life.

I just remembered the purpose of my diary.

I hear strange noises from time to time, metal scraping, crashing, shouting, explosions.

It's like these voices are coming from deep inside me, haunting me.

Sometimes when I wake up, I find myself in a sort of trance and I forget where I am and what I'm doing.

Of course, I don't really forget, but there's no denying that I'll need more time and energy to remember than a normal person would.

I started this diary just to ensure I did not forget something important.

Something important....

Ptilopsis, why are you staring at me? And what have you been mumbling to yourself all this time?

Nothing.

Did you get yourself into trouble? Do you need me to talk to Silence for you?

I'll help you once, 'cause we're friends. You better not have done anything too bad. I don't need a spanking from Silence.

Hehe, don't worry.