Глава 8

If bit by bit, we shake ourselves clean of all the things we've persevered with, or if we replace them with something new, then there's a certain point where we realize we just haven't persevered in anything, right?

In a constant battle and with things changing all the time, it's only natural I'd alter my policy. If rigor sets into our thinking, it could very well make us weaker.

And where'd that stubborn part of you go?

Do you want to prove that the Infected are just like normal people? Or do you want to prove that normal people are just like the Infected?

What's the difference?

If there's only Infected, then who's even a normal person? Would we want all people to catch Oripathy? Or to cut ourselves off completely from the normal people?

But if there were only normal people, no Infected... then the people who caught Oripathy would be normal people underneath, normal like the people who haven't.

Elders are just normal people, Ancients are just normal people, villagers who all know each other are normal people, and whoever's living in the cities should be normal people all the same.

Talulah, do you want to return to your family?

You're all my family.

No, we aren't.

If we cleared all this Oripathy off our skin... would we be able to go back home?

You and I are of a mind on this. We couldn't.

The tundra, and our lives, have completely changed us. The Infected already have no way of returning to their former lives.

Talulah, do you feel proud of yourself for being Infected now?

Why would you ask?

Because you can cast Arts without a staff? Because our lives are so fleetingly short? Because even though we've gone through so much hardship, we can still persevere and live on?

what reason would you choose?

I don't need to choose any, Alina.

I'm proud just to be an Infected. Because this world still hasn't killed me yet.

And for that matter, we don't need anything to cause us to pursue fairness. We should've been pursuing fairness in the first place, that's why.

And if the world won't give it, we'll just have to take it from it.

Then you really are brave.

You're not laughing at me, are you?

Of course not. How could I?

Mn, well... I feel they're all brave, too. All the people struggling against the fate that's been forced on us.

Then I'm sure you feel—

Hm.

Feel what?

That our fates are just rotten.

Well, obviously.

I don't feel that way, Talulah.

...That's another of your ironic remarks, Alina.

No... what I mean is, the fact I can sit here, talking with you, knowing we have our guards outside the village protecting us—fate has already been very kind to me.

Don't say that. Fate's a jealous one. Talking about those things is just tempting it to take them away.

But I don't believe in fate, Talulah.

Because you can change it?

Because I can't see it.

Talulah, what you can see, what you can touch, those are things you can rely on.

I can see the cloak I'm holding in my left hand. I can see the candlelight, and I can see the needle I'm holding in my right.

I can see the Infected children's smiles, and I can see the white smoke of vegetables, roasting fragrantly, wafting through the air.

I can see the snow melting, and I can see the two moons dancing spry in the clear night sky.

And then there's people who can't see even these.

Talulah, if there came a day when we all left you, would you still be able to fight on?

What do you mean?

It could always happen. If that time came, would you still feel it was worth it to stand against fate?

Would you possibly think, this is just too much? I just can't do anything anymore?

If Patriot's taught me anything, then one lesson comes to mind, from long ago at that.

I wouldn't bow my head.

It sneers at me, and I'll be certain to burn it to ash.

You're a blockhead, Talulah. That, or you're getting old.

Hey!

Only old people get to say that stuff without coming off as naive.

Because if someone's gotten old as old gets and still keeps that outlook all the way, it just means they've gone through far, far too much, to the point the world's left its bitter vestiges on their body, allows them no rest in passing the remainder of their life.

...And they're living in the desert of the past. If it were me, I wouldn't even have the courage to take the first step.

If I were that old and had that much arrogance, I'd be taking the events of the past and stabbing myself with them, every single step I took.

I can't even imagine it. Stuck in the sands of memory, of all the past, how does a person even know they're still moving forwards?

And what kind of resilient spirit does it take to let them make a new first step, unlike any they've made before?

I feel like you've been hinting at someone this entire time.

I've said I know a lot of what he's done, but I still truthfully don't know Mr. Patriot at all. I've never spoken a single word to him.

If you say that's him, well, why not. Let it be him.

If Mr. Patriot...

You're fast to substitute.

Ahem.

Unlike all the old, aged warriors, young people can much more easily forget things, give up on things, forgive themselves.

So you feel like I'm only fighting for all the things I can see? Or, maybe, you're telling me that might not be right?

Compared to the things you'd told me back when we left the village, it's just too shallow.

In just these few short years, you've already become an outstanding leader. But it's not entirely a good thing for you. You can't let yourself stop here, can you?

'If righteousness can only be upheld by greater and greater violence, can it even be called righteous, still? '

Those words have rolled around in my head for years and years, now. For so many years, I've been constantly thinking it over. I probably haven't gotten it straight yet, but I've been thinking it over and over.

Alright, then. Let's throw fate and making stands and all those other words we were talking about out the window. What is it you want to teach us today, Professor Alina?

Hey. Are you that flippant with FrostNova, too?

Don't joke about that. FrostNova'd freeze both our mouths shut.

Taking you for example, Talulah, you wouldn't fight just to defeat what enemies you see, right?

The Patrol Unit, the mine overseers, the drafted soldiers following our trail, the Ursus Minister of Medicine... if you defeated all of these, would we be victorious?

Since all of these are awful things, and so we need to defeat them?

Professor Alina wants me to do battle with things I can't see. How would I defeat them, then?

With things you can promise. Warmth, food, bedding, these are all things you'll be able to touch on some day or other. Think things unlike those.

This battle of ours probably won't bear results. It's likely we have no way to win.

I'm already not that fond of making promises. Things too far away are near as good as me playing tricks.

If we can never win, then should we still fight?

Haven't I asked you before? When that time comes, would you still feel this fate is worth you making a stand against it?

Once this is all over, you won't even be able to so much as see your enemies. You'll share those enemies with all those people who can't see a future.

...And then, that's when the true battle's really just begun.

You mention that spirit, those enemies, and those things that carve into ours and the Ursus people's bones.

—The Emperor?

The Emperor's just one form of it.

As long as people won't lay down their blades, this conflict will never end.

I don't quite agree. People taking up their blades to fend off what causes them strife is the just thing to do.

You're not wrong. Honestly, this conflict is the sort that'll never end, in my eyes.

Thanks to Mr. Patriot's blessing, I've read no small amount of Leithanien and Victoria's books. I very much liked what this one person said...

'Our war is a war against the ego. '

It's true, Talulah. As you'll never lay down the swords in your grips—

...So you'll never lay down the needle in your grasp.

And that wraps up our lesson today! There's almost nothing left I can really teach you.

The children should be studying right now. There's some knowledge they should have by tomorrow.

Talulah... Kashchey wanted you to be a sage, but people all make mistakes.

When you fall over, you climb back up. But if he won't let you fall over...

Then all you can do is be a little careful about things.

Same as when you're confronting Patriot. In all honesty, I don't see him and you as two different kinds of people.