Глава 8

And it all happened because the place I presumed the path would take us was a place I dreamt up out of immaturity. It's a dream that will never come true in the world we live in.

All because they were all too kind.

What did you want to do?

...Are you sure you want to know?

It's not something one would normally consider a part of a doctor's responsibilities. I am sure you are well aware, Dr. {@nickname}. I am more than just a doctor.

Yeah.;I guess not, then.

I can see you don't truly want to know. You are merely curious. Once you know the answer, you will only come to regret it.

I don't want you to regret this, Dr. {@nickname}. At least not yet. All I will say is that you were much better at handling these things than I.

Perhaps you've already found your own answer, and thanks to your pity, or maybe benevolence, you are stopping me before I embarrass myself with a mistake.

You've saved my image and elevated yours. An awkward win-win situation, it seems. Thank you, Doctor.

So you don't want to tell me?

I have lots of questions that I don't want to answer.

It's true. I'll admit it wasn't ever my intention to fulfill Ilia's final wishes like this.

So much blood was spilled, so many lives were lost, and it turns out the very last thing I do to remedy all this is what I should've done in the very beginning.

But if you were capable of doing that, why didn't you help them do this in the first place?

Because I didn't know them. Because I anticipated a different ending.

Dr. {@nickname}, there are people who inflict violence and send others to the gallows merely because they don't know the other person.

A person can kill another without remorse solely because they don't know a thing about them.

If we knew everything about those other people, would we improve in any way?

Or would we disregard their actions and judge them as stringently as we can merely because they have more of an identity now? Would we determine guilt and innocence solely based on their identity?

Because they are rich or poor? Normal or Infected? From Ursus or from Lungmen? Or from the city or the countryside?

Have you ever wondered why all the Infected that Rhodes Island takes in are from the cities, are from well-off families, and had a decent education?

You have to admit. There are Infected out there who live in the wilderness, away from civilization; others live in far off places with no way to communicate with the cities; then there are those who live on the streets and in the back alleys, just trying to survive from one day to the next.

None of them have ever even heard of Rhodes Island.

To say nothing of those other Infected-oriented pharmaceutical and medical companies.

This is the reality we are in.

They didn't want to resort to violence. They just never had the chance to learn what else they could do.

In the past, many people worshipped the power of violence because of the violence others had inflicted on them. Violence worked on them, so they used it on those around them, and that worked on those other people as well.

Therefore, violence became their tool. They don't understand life without violence, and their lives will always be ruled by pain and hatred.

Violence isn't a plough. The road traveled by violence will always remain a barren land.

The Infected who was held in the sarcophagus and got warped into that monstrosity—

Do you think he's evil?

Were we all born evil?

Was it power and violence that created the evil in humans, or was it the evil humans who created these tools to do harm to their fellow men?

We don't have the right to judge others. No one has that right.

To recognize goodness and then do something good, to recognize evil and then to refute evil, and to combat evil with evil and then to win. All that makes us no different from our enemies, and we'd have to take our own lives by that logic.

But, Dr. {@nickname}, if you know me, then you'd know that there are always certain things that need to be done by someone.

But these are definitely not reasonable and fair behaviors, and certainly not something you can just carry out and claim to have the moral high ground.

No matter the motive, we have to remember that what we are doing is doing harm.

You're right...

All the stuff you just said go way beyond a doctor's responsibilities.

That's why I am not looking forward to getting your approval on anything I do.

Convincing you of anything is Amiya's job, not mine, and that's because I've done a lot of things that should be left unknown, should never again be attempted by anyone, and should never be forgiven.

Yet in the foreseeable future, there are a lot of decisions lying ahead of you. Yes, you. Not me. A lot of people still have high hopes for you. Me, not so much.

My excuses will always just be my excuses. Your actions will always be your actions.

I hope to see you offer the world a chance to change, just like many kindhearted people before you did.

Is it really okay to just let the Ursus get their hands on this machine again?

If they are truly able to reactivate it, I am now willing to believe that it will only be reactivated by someone who's kind in nature.

I am willing to believe that the future is in the hands of those who seek to truly change this world.

What if...

everything starts heading toward that worst-case scenario you envisioned in the beginning?

Well.

Ironically, with how bad of a place this world is... We definitely aren't on the good side.

If that's how things actually turn out, then it doesn't matter how much work we put in and how many Catastrophes we stop. That kind of future is inevitable.

It isn't realistic to expect that immorality and evil can be defeated easily.

If what you want is to instead destroy civilization in an instant and to live a life tormented by pain, that's definitely doable, and you should think about it.

At any rate... Right now, there is still something we can do.

The disinfection is almost complete. After that, once we have our tracks here taken care of, Ursus won't have anything on us.

Let's go back Amiya up right now.

Though I suppose if things aren't looking too bad over there, the whole Chernobog Incident will already be over by the time we make it to the command tower. We're basically just heading there to regroup with our employees.

...As for what happened here... everything that happened here...

I will try my best to end this journey of suffering. Just like what you wanted me to do earlier.

That's right, Doctor. There are certain things that only you can decide.

With the dust of the battle settled, you wander around the sarcophagus. A strange sense of familiarity and sadness wells up in your heart.

You look at the operators, and it strikes you with a sense of unfamiliarity. After all, you don't know most of them.

The operators wrap up their work in the area and begin to leave. Kal'tsit notices that you haven't followed and approaches you.

Is there something still on your mind?

You talked a lot about the sarcophagus, but nothing about me.

Right.

I'd rather you be the one to broach the subject.

Why did I wake up here?

What's the second thing that had to do with you here?

Actually, this is the reason why I escorted you here.

There are a few things that Amiya doesn't want me to tell you, but this may be our last chance. Before we have the sarcophagus buried, I need to pluck those fragments of truth out of your brain.

Dr. {@nickname}. Three years ago, with a heavily injured you in tow, I came back to this long-forgotten place, and placed you inside this device.

This device can heal your pain, and only your pain.

What? ...That's all you can tell me?

That was as detailed as I could possibly explain it.

The white Infected Creature we encountered earlier looked bizarre, didn't it? That wasn't how he used to look.

From this, I can conclude that before he became an Infected Creature, the Infected entered the sarcophagus, and that was how the sarcophagus was activated.

...Perhaps he saw the footage of Amiya taking you out of the sarcophagus.

That prompted him to mess with the sarcophagus, and, one way or another, he got inside.

It shouldn't have happened.

The sarcophagus was originally designed to heal its operator, but this Infected got inside, and that's how disaster struck.

You saw the end result yourself. The Infected Creature wasn't a product of nature. The sarcophagus wasn't designed to handle it. Its transformation was entirely a man-made process. The sarcophagus transformed it.

Yet you received treatment in the sarcophagus. The device reacted to you two in completely different ways.

So you're trying to say... the Infected and I... are different.

Of course, Dr. {@nickname}. The two of you couldn't be any more different.

Is there anyone out there like us?

...Is anyone out there like you?

Perhaps this machine can only cure people like you, and not the Infected.

Perhaps this machine forces its patients to take on their oldest aspects. Perhaps I'm the only one who's allowed to operate it, even—

In any case, you survived. As for him, the Infected it used to be. He became the source of the Herd.

That's right. The world is a big place, and no one is exactly like anyone else. You and I, Amiya, him, and everyone else. All of us are different, and from my point of view, all of you are nothing like me.

Who can understand me, and who can understand you? How many lives around us have been lost, and how many tragedies that we are powerless to stop have occurred?

Were my students not studying this because they were trying to create a better place?

Why must greed bring about so many meaningless deaths? Isn't this just a stupid, stubborn tragedy?

Is that the whole reason this was created? And what was the reason all of us were placed in this world?

Is fate manipulating all of us? Are we all merely actors in this absurd comedy, all for our Creator's enjoyment?

...But I belong here.;I want to give it all up. This is too painful. I can't take this anymore.