story_xingzh_1_1

Three blind mus♪ Running to and fro♪

One fell in a ditch♪ One cracked his head♪

And one went hey♪ Dickery-dock, what's more to be said♪

I'll make sure to remember it. Victorian nursery rhymes are rather interesting. When you were young, did your... our mother really sing such violent songs to put you to sleep?

Well, I just haven't gotten to the more fun ones yet. Besides, this one's rather fitting. Do you know what those three blind musbeasts were looking for while they were running around?

Hmm... I see. They were also looking for their mother.

<p=1>Victoria, Town of Daywell</><p=2>March 22nd, 1103, 6:00 P.M., clear</>

Your blister doing okay?

Yes, I just haven't had to walk this much before. It'll be fine once it becomes a callus.

This trip really has me feeling like a blind musbeast, stumbling about in a panic.

Your first time leaving Yan and you've already crossed half of Terra. I'd say you're doing great. You'll get used to it once you've got more visits under your belt.

You're right...

So, why the frown?

I'm not frowning. It's just... the last few days seem so distant now. I can barely believe that I'm about to meet Mother tomorrow.

Hmm...

Oh, you like street snacks, right? I'll bring you somewhere I loved when I was a kid.

Haha, see? The moment I mentioned food, that frown turned upside-down, you glutton!

I'm simply ready to accompany you through thick and thin. After so many years away, the only thing you remember is where the good food is. Who is the glutton here?

Well of course I don't remember much else, we moved away when I was seven or eight. We moved a lot, but I still remember all the best places to get food in every town, haha! I'll bring you to them all eventually.

...Now that I've had to move house myself, I know how difficult it must have been for you all.

Hey, hey, your frown's coming back. C'mon, there's cream fruit cake up ahead.

I'd walk by every day after school. It's tasty stuff, but portions aren't exactly big. I'd save up a penny a day and have enough for one piece after two months, but one bite and poof, it's gone.

Well, no need to worry about that today. Eat as much as you'd like, my treat.

Hmm?

What is it? Can't find your purse? Or is the lovely Lady Ning suddenly feeling stingy~

(Searches all over in a panic)

Alright, let's calm down first. Checked all your pockets? What's that round thing in there?

That's my handkerchief...

Think back carefully. Where'd you put it after buying our tickets?

In my pocket? No... I couldn't have left it on the ticket counter, could I? I... I can't remember at all.

It's not here, and I've checked everywhere we just went! I really did lose my purse!

It's fine, it's fine. Once we get home, I'll write a letter to the station. If you did leave it on the counter, we can pick it up on the way back.

It's not fine! Our tickets for tomorrow's journey were in there too. Without those tickets, how are we supposed to get to your home?

Well no use losing your cool right now, we can't exactly trek all day and all night back to the first station to look for it. Relax, don't lose your head over it.

You... What are you trying to say?

Heheh, nothing in particular. It's just that a certain someone's been spacing out a lot lately, doing things like using my shampoo as toothpaste or holding a fork upside-down at lunchtime...

Hey, hey, hey, why're you covering my mouth, I still got like ten more examples!

It isn't the time for jokes right now! ...I told you I shouldn't be the one keeping <i>all</i> the money.

You're usually a lot more careful than me.

Look, seriously, no need to worry so much. It's no big deal if you lost your purse. It's only a few hours from my place if we catch a ride, so we can just walk back.

Walk? That won't end well...

(Sudden realization)

I'm not! I'm just worried...

Feeling peckish all of a sudden. As they say, an empty sack cannot stand upright. Let's get something to eat first. We can fix any problem with full bellies.

And how exactly are we supposed to do that without my purse...?

Not like everyone in Victoria has money. You don't see them starving, though, do you?

What's the time... Good, there should still be something right about now. Let's go, or there won't be anything left.

Go? Go where?

Somewhere where I can magic up a feast for you—

Wait, slow down!

Bailey's is still open, we made it!

You start queueing up first, I'll go see if there's enough left to make it to our turn.

(Quietly) A restaurant? Blaze... How are we going to pay for this?

That's a secret for now. You'll see once you're at the front.

Xingzhu anxiously follows the queue. It is only when she smells a foul stench that she notices the gentleman in front of her is an elderly scrapsifter. Looking further ahead, it seems everyone in the queue is down on hard times.

As the queue moves forward, she sees several mealboxes piled up on a table. Those who receive a box leave silently, without paying.

(Victorian) Two, please. Cheers, you have a nice day now!

(So it was meals for the needy. She is rather familiar with them...)

Told you there'd be food. I'm no liar.

I'm not too sure about other places, but since I've lived in Daywell before, I know plenty of ways to deal with not having any cash. No need to worry, seriously.

(Soft sigh)

Let's see what we got... Fowlbeast fillet, rye bread... and some cheese. Still the same three things in the all-a-waste meal.

Go ahead, try it. See if you like the same bits I like.

Upon seeing Blaze dig in with great relish, nostalgically enjoying her meal, Xingzhu begins to feel curious about how it tastes, lowering her head to take a bite out of each of the three pieces of food.

How is it? Which d'you like best?

They're... They're good.

I know, right! Especially the fillet, the aspic on it melts as soon as it gets in your mouth, real tasty.

(These fillets must have been roasted over a low fire, which lets the juices and gelatin flow out to form a stock. The unsold ones got cold, so the stock coagulated into aspic...)

There is a specialty of Kou-wu called crystal meat. If you're fond of aspic, I can show you a good spot the next time you're in Yan.

(Chews a big mouthful while shaking her head)

(Muffled) 'S not the same... Got to be lucky to get aspic with this fillet. Call it a nice surprise.

You can only eat it if you're lucky? Then that means there are also times you're disappointed...

Nah, won't happen. I learned when all the restaurants hand out food by heart back then.

But this store was real far from our house. I'd wait for Mum and Dad to be done with overtime, and we'd take the long way to go there, since all the other restaurants would've run out of handouts at that point.

It's not enough for more than a few mouthfuls, and by the time you walk back home, you're hungry again. That's why Dad called it the all-a-waste meal. It was like you never even ate it, haha!

So Father loved making jokes like that...

The bread is so hard her teeth barely make a dent in it, while the cheese is so dry it crumbles at a touch. They have clearly been on display for several days, and the portions are measly.

Though she has looked into her parents' experiences in great depth, it is only once this food entered her mouth that the scenes in her imagination become crystal-clear.

Xingzhu gives the food she is holding a guilt-ridden stare, before taking a big bite out of it. Soon, the mealbox has been picked clean.

She follows the road her parents once walked, her eyes opened wide. She wishes she could see through time, and see how vibrant it would have looked during their time.

Man, this sure is nostalgic. I used to follow this road to go home. Up ahead is the first primary school I went to. Deepest memory I have of the place was my classmate's mum's fig roll stall she parked outside the school gates.

I'd run there every day to chat with him, and take a real big sniff of that figgy biscuit smell while I was there.

Pfft...

At the time, Mum still worked at the cloth-dying factory, and she'd stink of chemicals whenever she got home. That's why I suggested she sell fig rolls too.

I'm sure she saw right through your scheme.

Haha, well, she's not like other parents who just ignore what their kids say. The next day, she brought me along to chat with my classmate's mum, asked her how many biscuits she sold a week.

When we got back home, we crunched the numbers, and that's when I learned a factory worker made a steady five pounds more a week than a biscuit seller. Let me tell you, that's a lot of biscuits.

Mum's amazing. Whenever she persuades someone, she doesn't have to give long speeches like Dad. But on my birthday that year, I got a big bag of fig rolls.

As Xingzhu imagines that capable, gentle mother standing in front of the biscuit stall, she cannot help but let out a smile. She is pulled in by her fantasies, walking further and further into them.

Xingzhu... How about we take a break? If we keep walking, I think our dinner really is going to go to waste.

I think... I'll keep walking, and looking around.

Just wait until we get home, there'll be time to catch a ride here to sightsee later. It's just the next town over, after all.

No. I think right now... I need to see a few more things, understand things a little more. Otherwise, when I meet Mother tomorrow... what am I supposed to talk about with her?

Whatever you feel like. You're her birth daughter, you two will hit it off naturally. No need to take an exam for it.

You grew up by her side, it's not the same...

It's not the same, because you three have gone through so much together...

Xingzhu stops talking, staring blankly at an old bookstore across the road. Something comes over her, and she begins walking towards it.

Hey, where're you going? Slow down! Watch the road!

Old Friends... Bookstore?

(Slowly walking around the bookshelves)

Hey, Xingzhu, did Dad ever tell you about this place?

No, how could he? We only spoke a handful of times. Why do you ask?

That's strange...

No, that's a miracle. You wait here.

Why?

Blaze does not answer her, excitedly running up to the counter to talk with the shopkeeper. It seems she has some sort of relationship with the place.

However, the end of her chat leaves her disappointed as she turns back to Xingzhu.

*sigh* The old boss of this place already passed away. Dad, he... used to work for him as a stock clerk.

You mean... in this store?

Mhm. So when you walked straight over here like you were possessed, I thought you knew.

I just wanted to... browse a little.

I told you, you've got nothing to worry about. You're father and daughter. If he were still alive, you'd be chatting for weeks.

And Mum's even nicer. You two will definitely hit it off.

Xingzhu gives her a smile, but feels no comfort in these words. She turns towards the shelves so Blaze will not notice. As she walks, her eyes are drawn by a row of books.

...They have Yanese books here?

Sure do! Why do you think Dad quit his job at the cloth-dying factory to come be a clerk here? Mum really wasn't happy with him for that, I can tell you that much.

All just to read?

Yep. He was a massive bookworm, and when he found out this store stocked books from Yan, he'd go pick me up from school every day. When I saw he had changed out of his work clothes, that's when I knew he was taking me to the bookstore.

Not that I minded. He'd stand here reading for half an hour, which was time nobody would tell me off for reading comics.

The old bookseller must have been a saint if he didn't get angry.

Nothing he could do about it. Other customers were free to browse, so it wouldn't do to focus on Dad.

One day, Dad didn't read the book. Instead, he took it to the counter, stammering the whole time like he had suddenly forgotten how to speak Victorian.

Took a lot of listening to figure out he was pulling out all the polite words he knew to ask the boss for a discount. Reason being, the book was worn out.

But it's not like anyone else has been looking at the Yanese books. All that wear and tear was from him flipping through it every day!

Pfft...

Maybe foreign books weren't very good business, could be why the boss finally agreed to it. After we left, Dad gave me a lecture, saying I should never do what he did earlier.

Oh dear. Was he being serious?

I said 'Do what?' which just made his ears go red. He jabbered on about noble bearing this, righteous that, too long ago, don't remember anymore. Basically, he felt super guilty, which is why he took the clerk job.

But wouldn't he be able to read all he liked with that job? Not to mention he had to hide his spending on books from Mum. Hardly noble if you asked me, haha!

Xingzhu is mesmerized by the stories of the past, looking at the shelves with unfocused eyes.

She sees her father by her side, tenderly flipping through the few Yanese books in the store. She stands by him, reading the characters on the pages one after the other.

For a moment, it is like she is back at her desk at home, the writing in the book transformed into her father's neat calligraphy.

But in the end, when her fantasy fades, she sees an unfamiliar title on the book she is holding, neatly printed by a mechanical hand.

Blaze! I... I think I want to buy a book for Mother... Let's see, this poem of Moonpraise should do.

Uh, sure... But why do you want to buy a book all of a sudden? I thought you already had a gift for her?

I just have this feeling that if Mother is like me, then she would like to have... a Yanese book from this shop.

Xingzhu searches herself desperately as she speaks, eventually taking a jade bracelet off her wrist without the slightest hesitation. Bracelet in hand, she walks towards the counter.

Heywaitwaitwaitwait, that bracelet can buy all the books in this store, you know?! Why not trade my, err... folding knife?

It's fine.

...You don't need to hold that book so tight, you'll ruin its dust cover.

I said, it's <i>fine</i>, Blaze. This bracelet... I got it from some minister or the other as a birthday present. Now that Grandfather has fallen out of favor, they would most likely be relieved it's disappeared out of sight.

Come and translate for me, will you?

<p=1>Victoria, Outskirts of Daywell</><p=2>March 23rd, 1103, 12:16 A.M., clear</>

Looks like this is the best place to sleep outdoors here. This bit of grass is dryer, so here, use my jacket as a mattress.

What about you?

I'll just sleep on the grass. Don't worry, it beats some places I've slept while on missions.

That won't do, you're not on a mission right now. Here, my jacket. You should have a mattress too.

Fine, fine. We'll be walking all day tomorrow, so let's get some shut-eye.

...Did you just throw something?

Sorry, did I disturb you? I'll be quieter. I didn't throw anything, I was just making sure my gift for Mother is alright, and wrapping the book I just bought.

There'll be time for all that tomorrow... Fine, don't tire yourself out.

I won't.

...Did you get something dirty?

Oh, still not asleep?

I... I'm worried there might be a strange smell on me, and my hair's covered in dust. I'm just washing my face. Though the water is rather chilly...

(Blows at her freezing hands)

Seriously...? We have hot water at home, you know.

I'll be done soon, go to sleep first.

...You... If you don't go to sleep now, you won't be able to walk tomorrow.

Yes, yes, yes, nearly done.

Just lie down and get some rest. Don't worry about me.

What were you looking at just now?

Nothing...

Don't glare at me... Alright, fine, it's the paper you told me to find for Mother, her literature thesis from her time at the Academy.

You're really treating it like an exam, huh?

No... I'm just finding it hard to sleep, and reading someone's work is like meeting them, so I'm hoping it can calm me down...

I... really...

Ow!

Xingzhu covers her ribs, Blaze having given her a poke as swift as lightning. Ever since she was young, she never had the chance to play with a sister of the same age, so she simply stares, unsure of what Blaze will do next.

All she sees is Blaze snoring loudly with her eyes closed, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. How dastardly of her. Xingzhu is overtaken by her temper, and sends a jab of her own flying towards Blaze's ribs.

But she is too slow. Her jab is denied as the not-so-asleep Blaze turns her body to dodge her attack, while delivering a back-handed counterattack of her own, tickling Xingzhu as she tries to escape.

Xingzhu angrily pounces on Blaze, aiming for her exposed sides, but Blaze suddenly jumps up to press the attack, sending her tumbling to the ground. The two of them laugh as they shout at each other.

Oof! Stop!

Haha, hahaha!

I SAID STOP!

...Something up with your head? Did you hit a stone? Let me see... Ooh, yeah, scraped you on the forehead.

Tsk... I told you to stop!

You... really are... a clumsy, thoughtless, unreasonable, oafish woman!

My bad, my bad, no need to get so mad...

How am I supposed to meet Mother tomorrow like this?!

Don't worry, it's just a scratch, won't leave a scar...

I'm sorry.

So... I'll be going to bed, then?

*sigh*

Head still hurt?

...No.

*sigh* I know you were just trying to cheer me up. Sorry...

Why are you the one saying sorry? I was the one who couldn't control myself.

Looking at you just now, I couldn't stop myself from thinking, if I had a little sister like you when I was a kid, I'd definitely bully you like crazy.

It sounds like I dodged an arrow.

To be honest, these last two days, my mind has been a complete mess.

That was pretty obvious.

You were always thinking of making me lighten up, to be a little happier. The person you're going to meet is the closest of family to you, but who is she to me?

The only blood tie I have in this land.

The one I thought of day and night when I was little, but could never see.

And a stranger who I have no connection with.

Mum, she...

It was really hard for me to bring myself to say this, so shush and listen.

Sure.

Don't assume that I'm deluding myself here. I never thought her giving birth to me meant she had to wait for me. But, from the bottom of my heart, I hope that from today onwards, I can have someone as dear to me as she is to you.

I thought that, so long as I understood her past, I could lessen the distance between us.

But it was only once I came to Victoria that I realized there's so much I don't know, so much I haven't seen. I, I...

I don't know a thing about your pasts.

I... I'm scared.

I'm scared we can never bridge this gap.

Maybe there'll be a burst of emotion when we first meet, but once all the excitement dies down, will we find that we are simply two people who don't know each other very well?

In the end, will I be all alone again...?

Thinking about these things makes me feel so miserable...

*sigh*

I know, you're going to say I'm overthinking things. I think I'm overthinking things too... and I couldn't stop myself from getting angry at you.

You know, I was always like that when I was younger. Whenever I get nervous or worried, I would 'blow my top', as they say here.

When I was at school, I would always be especially jittery before exams. Once I became an adult, I would always feel uneasy handing in a book I edited.

But my circumstances back then meant I couldn't release that anger. I simply had to swallow it all. And now that we're here, I let it out on you for no reason.

You should not let wrath overtake you when speaking to those giving you charity, so how can you lose your temper against those dear to you? The dearer you are, the more you should not do it.

I... I apologize, okay? Please don't take it to heart.

Blaze?

(Steady breathing)

You fell asleep?!

<p=1>Victoria, Town of Lannington</><p=2>March 23rd, 1103, 5:50 P.M.</>

No, I've managed to bear with it all day, I can walk on my own for the final stretch.

Don't worry, you look way lighter than my chainsaw, and I can carry that thing around for three hours without breaking out into a sweat. C'mon, get on my shoulders—

Hush. How much longer until we arrive?

Soon, real soon. At most, it'll be one... one...

One hour?!

No, no, it would only take... trying to think of that Yanese proverb... as long as a cup of tea. Just need to reach the end of the road, see?

Xingzhu suddenly stops, and stares at the end of the road ahead.

We're almost there... Wait, my comb's gone... Quick, lend me yours.

I don't have one, I just use my fingers. There's definitely one at home if you need it.

It'll be too late once we're there... No, no, my hair's an utter mess...

Your hair looks perfect.

But, uh... Wait, I need to check the gift again.

Oh no... I made sure to put the book at the bottom, now the corners are creased...

Let's go. You've walked this far along one hell of a road, and you're finally here. Don't cut and run when the door's right in front of you.

You... Don't go! What rules does your family have? I, do I need to change my shoes when I go inside? Where do I hang my jacket? Should I... Should I call her Auntie or Mum?

Hey! Don't pull me, I can walk by myself!

Who the hell is thinking about giving gifts or breaking rules when they're about to meet their own mum?! You're family! Is worrying if you step past the door with your left foot or your right foot first really that important?!

You... Why are you shouting at me all of a sudden?! Of course it's important!

How important?!

So important... that it's the most important thing in my life right now!

Good! And here I thought you didn't get it!

What are you talking about?!

Think carefully. How do you feel now that you're about to meet your birth mother?

I'm scared!

Say that again?!

I...!

I...

I'm...

So, so happy...

I hoped for this, day and night...

But I rarely ever get what I want, and I'm scared I hoped too much, and am doomed to be disappointed, which leads me to think some vexing thoughts...

But you're happy deep inside, right? Let's go, then. Don't give me this 'unfamiliar stranger' crap. You might've lost forty years together, but don't tell me you can't make up for it?

You were still awake yesterday? You...

You're right.

We're here.

Xingzhu takes a deep breath of cold air, stopping in front of the wooden door. It is an ordinary door with a lantern hanging on it, the flame within dancing about, as if waiting to welcome those returning home.

(Quietly) You liar, you said it would only take as long as a cup of tea...

Heheh, Victorian teacups are smaller.

Xingzhu gives Blaze a blank stare, hesitantly raising her hand to knock, then lowering it. But there is no time to run away, for Blaze gives her back a big shove, sending her straight into the house.

Mum! We're home!