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Sponsored by MARTHE Clothing, raise your hands for our Freestyle Thursday, Loyal to the Beat, our night of rap!

Please welcome our Beatmaster, the Bayside Overlord, the Tycoon for the Ages, ooourrr Emmmmm—perooooor! He's here once again to welcome our fresh challengers... they are—

Logic. Order. Common sense. Lay of the land.

Too many of y'all let that shit get to you. Suckers crawl outta bed to act like some boring-ass drones? Where's the joy?

Y'all tell me. Enlighten a man here.

Why's a healthy morning breakfast taste like trash? You really gotta get that report on 'if all Cautus ears grow long' done today? Does one plus one really gotta yield a result?

Boring.

Boring from the B to the G!

Wack-ass music's got me out of my vibe, we need more FIRE! More perception, more intuition, more enthusiasm!

The spark, the insight, the explosion, the unexpected! More flabbergasting, tongue-tying than any scripted performance, more attention-grabbing than this whole damn stage they rigged up!

Forget your comfort zone, your common sense, your logic! I wanna hear you cheer right now like no tomorrow!

There's only one truth standing in here, one miracle.

—And that's me!

Mr. Emperor! It's THE Mr. Emperor, in the flesh, speaking to us!

Am I dreaming? I-I-I wonder if I can get his autograph later...

Hey, watch it, don't hyperventilate. Deep breaths, deep breaths—

Huff... phew...

Are we all good here? Can't shake the feeling that superstar stage guy's got some wild crap up his sleeve.

Don't worry, that's Emperor's stage by right. Even supposing he'll set a round of explosions off, the stage has accounted for it all!

Can't tell if you're being serious...

Got a bunch of new blood hungry to climb up, a bunch of comedian-ass judges, and commentary staler than aunty's cornbread. What else we got?

Hey, you invited me here, and you're gonna tell me to my face you only got these snoozefests lined up?

But of course not.

Don't you fear, Mr. Emperor. Just for you, we've prepared some very nice surprises—

This farce ends here.

Uh-huh?

Your display on the stage forces our hand, Emperor.

Your music, even your lyrics are the epitome of skin-deep. I could write a dozen of these musty tracks in a day. They ought to sweep your out-of-date flow along with 70 Percent into a pile of dead leaves.

Let this fresh face show you all what music is about now. And I'll let you in too, on the meaning of true modern rap.

Tch, that one went wide. Sorry, that's my fault for missing.

Man, what kinda clown shit is this? Keep talking that noise and I'm gonna spill my lunch.

Who let the stank-ass rat onto the stage? A rap newcomer? How come I ain't heard about a punk who pisses people off this bad.

You haven't followed the industry for a while, have you, Mr. Emperor?

Plenty of talented singers have risen up lately, among which are some who brought their own sturdy core of supporters. There's no spitting on their strength.

Our Mr. 'Sandstorm Rudes' here is the one with the biggest buzz out of all the new faces.

Son's name is 'Sandstorm Rudes'?! Sheesh, name's so wack it's got me shedding.

Is it? I think it's quite good, for one.

Time for Sandstorm Rudes a.k.a. M.C. Kojui to show you there's no judging a book by its cover, and you've no right to laugh at someone else's name.

Heavens, I had no idea you two get on so well! Though, might I ask you don't ignore me?

Here, I'm right here!

Why does nobody respect their elders? Where's the shrieking, the applause? You don't think my record sales are phony, do you? People, I'm a platinum LP machine!

Here, you young fellows, help me out now, boost me up.

So what? This posse of store brand clowns is your big surprise for me? Do I have something wrong here? Can I get a confirmation this ain't the butt of a giant-ass joke?

As you can see, these are our 'challengers' for tonight!

We didn't invite just one vocalist to this battle! We're running the gauntlet from the evergreens of the music world who've seen it all, to the newcomers drawing all attention! You can look forward to plenty more mystery guests tonight!

These musicians are about to issue a challenge to our rap god!

That's... that's the new singer who's gotten really popular recently!

Huh? I feel like I've seen that guy in the back on some screen before. They got so many big names for this?

Oh, gosh, I think they're about to start! Emperor's going to rap?!

It seems we were right to attend this one... Move, let's get a better view!

Damn good. Y'all did aight.

Plenty of fools with the nerve to challenge me, but here's hoping y'all are made of different stuff. Don't let me down too hard!

Lay it out. How's this challenge gonna roll? Y'all gonna charge together or come one by one? I don't mind splashing a little of my precious time here.

And I wouldn't mind bringing it to a past-man who can't keep up with the times.

Hold on, are you including me in that last bit?

Hold up, I got a good idea! A chance like this is one in two blue moons. We're gonna raise the bar a little, make this interesting!

What will you need, Mr. Emperor? We'll arrange for...

No need. Won't be much hassle.

You, yeah, you guys. Get up here.

Huh?! M-Me?

Is there something you need us to do?

Ladies and gentlemen, you know your way around an instrument? No need to panic if you don't. Either way, you're about to see why they call Big E. the OG, 'cause I'm about to give y'all a little show!

Is that your increase in difficulty? Calling a few laypeople to accompany you in an improvised act?

Hmph. The nerve, indeed.

Are... you really letting us do this...?

Breathe out. Add in some bonus backing percussion, and leave the rest to me. Y'all can break the drum for all I care, the bill's on my tab.

Don't matter what tune, it's all part of my rhythm in the end, baby!

Whew, big mouth on this guy.

Neat. I'm definitely beginning to like this rap king guy.

Alright, talk time is OVER, no more dragging it out! Come at me! Stand before the Emperor, 'til the little patience he has for these fools is gone!

DJ—

——Drop the beat!!