act7d5

I am self-conscious about my condition, so even on the rare occasions that I do go outside, I do not move about so freely.

For as long as I can remember, all my knowledge of the outside world has come almost entirely from the descriptions of my colleagues, various documents, and the unchanging view outside my window.

Now that I think about it, it's only natural that I would aspire to be like Gavial and Ansel.

But before today, I did not realize why.

Because I can't help but compartmentalize myself when people discuss their lives.

I can engage with their topics, but I subconsciously think I don't belong in them.

Ptilopsis, what are you writing? Doesn't look like a report to me.

A diary.

A diary? Oh, Silence told me to keep one, but it was a huge pain!

True, it is a lot of work to write every day, but it is necessary for me.

Why?

To keep myself from forgetting.

Why do you forget?

Because I am forgetful.

Um.... Don't get it.

It is better if you don't.

Oh.... Can I see it?

You can. But it is all text. I don't think you will like it.

Yeah, screw it. I'll go back to my storybook.

Right.

Now then, where was I...?

Silence, what's the matter? Something wrong in the lab?

Huh? Ah, no.

I'm just trying to figure out what to get Ifrit for her birthday. It's coming up.

A birthday present?

Yes. It needs to be fireproof, and it needs to be something she likes. Ugh, a child's mind is so unpredictable.

I should just make something myself.

What?

Nothing. I was just pondering how even Silence thinks about such things.

Is it that strange? Well... maybe it's a bit unlike me.

But since I decided to take Ifrit with me, these things are my responsibility.

Even Silence, who can bury herself in her work for days on end, has such a side to her.

I understand that this is my own problem.

Or should I say, it was not a problem to begin with.

I don't feel so bad, because I do not dislike this researcher's life.

On the other hand, if I hated research, I wouldn't have joined Rhine Lab at all.

Whether at Rhine Lab or Rhodes Island, I have seen countless people more miserable than I. And I'm lucky compared to them.

And I believe that the research I'm doing is something meaningful.

So, I'm not writing this as a lamentation, or to say that I've suddenly realized that I've been living the wrong kind of life.

I just remembered the purpose of my diary.

I hear strange noises from time to time, metal scraping, crashing, shouting, explosions.

It's like these voices are coming from deep inside me, haunting me.

Sometimes when I wake up, I find myself in a sort of trance and I forget where I am and what I'm doing.

Of course, I don't really forget, but there's no denying that I'll need more time and energy to remember than a normal person would.

I started this diary just to ensure I did not forget something important.

Something important....

Ptilopsis, why are you staring at me? And what have you been mumbling to yourself all this time?

Nothing.

Did you get yourself into trouble? Do you need me to talk to Silence for you?

I'll help you once, 'cause we're friends. You better not have done anything too bad. I don't need a spanking from Silence.

Hehe, don't worry.

Today's encounter made me realize something.

When it comes to the important things, just trying not to forget them isn't enough.

Rather, I wish I could do more to understand the people I care about.

I don't want to regret anything.

Ptilopsis, is Ifrit with you?

Hey, it's Silence!

Ifrit didn't give you any trouble, did she?

No, she was very good.

Hehehe.

I'm glad. And are you okay? You seemed a bit off when you came back today.

I'm fine.... But, yes, I was just about to go looking for you.

For me?

Yes, I'd like to talk to you.

Talk? Don't we always talk?

I'd like to... discuss a few things I've never thought about before.