melnte

Thursday

Please, take a seat, Melanite. Make yourself comfortable. I believe this is the first time you've proactively come to me for a session?

...Yes.

Relax. We're just here to chat. Is there anything in particular that you want to talk about?

I'm been having... dreams.

What kind of dreams?

I don't remember the details. All I remember is that I had a dream... and the lingering feelings pressing down on my chest.

No memories of the dream itself... lingering feelings... When did this start?

About a week ago. The sensation is getting stronger and lasting longer, sometimes even all day...

Are they nightmares?

No.

The only nightmare I ever have is of that night. Of watching the rioters approach my father, but somehow I just can't pull the trigger like he taught me to.

I would wake up sweating, my heart hammering against my chest. But since I know it's not real, I can quickly calm myself down.

But these recent dreams... it's different. It's hard to describe, but it feels like having a piece of cotton-padded lead in my arms; soft, but heavy.

Heavy... so heavy, and the feeling lasts for so long... It's hard for me to concentrate.

Do you have any medication I could take for it?

Medication may not be the answer. I suspect your dreams involve faded memories, maybe something from your childhood you've forgotten. Do you think you'd be comfortable talking about your parents?

Sure.

I thought you would be more... reticent.

No, not at all.

My father used to work for Blacksteel. He had a medium, stocky build, was missing an arm, and had a little moustache.

My mother was a housewife who worked part-time doing laundry before Dad retired, then the two of them ran the shop together. She was a little taller than my father, lanky. That's all.

What about yourself?

Me? I was a kid. I did kid things.

Can you talk about yourself in more detail?

Melanite looks up at the yellowish light on the ceiling.

...More detail?

Yes.

I went to school, helped out at home and around the shop, and played with the neighbors' kids. That's about it.

Any unforgettable memories? Sights, experiences, that sort of thing.

Nothing worth mentioning.

Well, I'd like to hear them anyway, even if it doesn't seem relevant. Anything that comes to mind.

Melanite looks around at the room's furnishings.

The light back home was yellow, just like this one. The flooring wasn't so nice, and would creak every now and then.

The table was really high... or maybe I was just too small at the time.

What about yourself? What did you do or think back then?

Me?

Oh, I had a scar on my knee that faded away at some point. The staircase at home must've been pretty high for me to fall.

The light, the floor, the table, the stairs... Oh, and... the chairs.

The chairs were...

Melanite...

I don't quite remember, but I think they were made of wood—

That's enough, Melanite.

Uh.

You're just stating facts without context or emotion. Like you're talking about somebody else.

Those are just my impressions from back then.

Only facts, with no details or emotions, not even your own place in the scene... It must be hard for you.

No, not at all.

How so?

I want to forget what happened that night... but it all comes back so vividly whenever I have one of those nightmares.

If I forget what happened before all that, then at least I can be indifferent. At least I can...

I'd feel less bad about losing something I don't care about.

The life I have now has nothing to do with what happened back then. Whatever I feel or don't feel about it, it won't affect me at all.

Melanite...

Sorry that I kept talking about things unrelated to the dreams. I guess if you don't have any pills I can take, I'll try to adjust on my own.

No, it could be related. Maybe resolving your issues with your childhood memories will also help with—

Sorry for worrying you. I should be going.

Melanite turns around, avoiding Honeyberry's concerned gaze, and walks out of the room.

She meant to go straight back to her dorm, but took a wrong turn out of anxiety and ended up in an unfamiliar corner.

Seeing an empty hallway, she instinctively puts her hand on her railgun's trigger, before realizing it and moving her hand away.

This is Rhodes Island. Rhodes Island.

Even if you've never been here before, there's nothing you can't deal with... Everything here is safe. Really.

Nothing in your past has anything to do with you, Operator.

No one here will hurt you. You're well compensated and receive proper treatment, as long as you can deliver sufficient fire support in battle.

It's alright, it's alright...

Melanite takes a few deep breaths.

Talking to herself, taking deep breaths... How much these techniques help is debatable, but they can't hurt.

The anxiety that had climbed up her calves recedes back to her ankles.

It's okay, it's okay... Just act normal, business as usual.

It has nothing to do with you. Detach yourself. It'll all get better.

Friday

Your regular checkup is complete, Operator Melanite. It'll be a while before the report is ready, though.

Okay.

Is something bothering you?

How... How did you...

Er... 'how did I' what?

I-I mean, how did you know something's bothering me? Did something come up in the checkup?

No, I just thought you looked really pale.

...I guess I didn't sleep well last night. Had a dream.

Alright, the report's ready. Let me see...

Hmm... Oripathy symptoms are stable, but there are various changes in other areas.

Looks like it's true that you've been sleeping poorly. Nightmares?

...No, just ordinary dreams, really. I even had a chat with Honeyberry about them yesterday. I'm perfectly fine, and ready to work.

Work? What does work have to do with any of this?

Here, have some chocolate. It'll help you settle down.

Melanite takes the unwrapped chocolate, looking deep in thought. She takes a bite, and a bitter-sweet taste fills her mouth.

...Will my condition affect my next field mission?

Well, it's a little concerning. If you haven't gotten better by then, I would recommend a period of rest.

Rest...?

No, I'll be fine by then.

Well, I'm glad you're confident, at least.

I'm heading to lunch. Care to join me?

Er, thanks, but not today.

...I need to get better.

How did I used to do it?

I used to keep myself busy enough that my mind didn't have time to wander.

It'll get better.

Saturday

Instructor Dobermann.

Today's Saturday. Are you sure you don't want to take a day off?