panda

食铁兽

A certain luxury apartment in Lungmen...

*Beep*—

You have—one—new message. Press play to listen.

(Hits play)

Shêng-shêng, where have you been? I went everywhere, asked just about everyone. None of them said they saw you.

I was cheated too, y'know? I didn't expect that prick Sing to just take the money and split. I had a lot riding on that movie too. It's making my heart ache.

Shêng-shêng, listen to your Uncle Loeng. You shouldn't have put all your money in that project, no matter how much you loved the script.

Look where that got us. The movie's a bust. Everything down the drain.

*Sigh*, let's not talk about this anymore; I know this really bummed you out. Uncle Loeng has a few friends at the L.G.D. They'll do their best to work this case for us and get us our money back.

Don't let this get you down. Call me when you have time.

(Hits the stop button)

What a headache...

Well, shucks. That's all my savings gone!

It was the crafty old codger who brought me on board. Well, alright, now that shit's hit the fan, it's like it's not his fault anymore.

Arghhhh—I'm so pissed!

What do I do now?

Maybe I should just head on home and take over Dad's tanghulu stall... *Sigh*... Mom's not gonna be happy. All she ever wants is me promoting the family kung fu style.

(Pulls hair) I'm in one heckuva pickle...

(Opens the fridge)

Beer... all gone. Whiskey... only a little left. Vodka... Finished it all.

Urgh, nothing to drown my sorrows with... Looks like I'll have to go downstairs for more.

(Closes fridge)

*Clang*—

Oww! That hurt!

What's this...? Ugh... The can I tossed on the floor yesterday.

(It's been days since I left home. It's such a mess in here... Maybe I should clean up after I get back.)

(Gah, whatever... Maybe another time...)

Hm, craft beer... get a twelve pack. Rum, huh? Been a while. Gotta take a bottle! Let's see what else... There's a nice looking vodka up there too...

I can't reach it... Maybe if I jumped? Hmph!

Oh, crap, it's falling!

Ta-dah! Piece of cake.

Th-That's amazing!

Uh, who are you?

Miss Shêng-shêng! It's you, Miss Shêng-shêng! It's really you!

I-I'm a fan of yours! I've seen every movie you were in. I watched every film in the 'Heavenedge Gallantry' trilogy multiple times. I-It's an honor to... to meet...

Uh... I'm not any Miss Shêng-shêng! You're mistaken. You got the wrong girl!

No way! The way you grabbed the bottle just now was exactly the same as that pose you did in 'Million LMD!' I saw that seven times! Couldn't be anyone else.

That so? Haha. That one takes me back... like five or six years now...

Miss Shêng-shêng?

Aiyah... Anyway, you got the wrong girl. I'm checking out now!

Am I being a bother, Miss Shêng-shêng? Sorry. I-I didn't mean to.

I'm really sorry!

Eh, you... I... That's not what I meant... I just... *Sigh*... You want an autograph or something?

An autograph?! Really? Thank you very much! Let me find a piece of paper. Give me a minute.

Uh, you found anything yet?

(This guy flipped through all his pockets already...)

I got it. I have this... dollar bill...

Uh, no... This...

*Sigh*... Miss Shêng-shêng, this bill, please. Please sign it for me.

Uhh—Fine, alright.

(This dollar bill's all wrinkled up!)

Thank you, thank you so much!

You like kung fu stuff, huh? Just movies? Read any novels?

Of course, Miss Shêng-shêng. I've read all of Mr. Wong's greatest works, Qisi's short stories, and every issue of 'Monthly Wuxia' at the time!

You like Miss Qisi, huh? Everyone around me says her stories are too wordy, that they're a chore to read.

A chore to read? No way. Her writing's exquisite, and the stories are so moving they always bring tears to my eyes. All her works are masterpieces.

You're ex—actly right! None of those numbnuts know how to appreciate a masterpiece!

Miss Shêng-shêng, do you like Miss Qisi's books too?

Of course! 'The Assenting Fist' is my absolute favorite! The copy I have back home is falling apart from how many times I've read it!

Although...

Did you know?

That novelette was going to be turned into a movie, until the actor who was going to play Yün Shêng was arrested for tax evasion. Then the producer took the money and skipped town, and that was the end of it.

*Sigh*... What a shame. Now we'll never see it!

You know what they say. Life is like a box of chocolates...

Hm... Now that's not right. Yün Shêng's an upstanding, heroic fella who would rather die an honorable death than deal with corrupt bigwigs. A noble character like him couldn't be played by an actor with no morals.

It's a good thing they cancelled that project. Haha.

Well...

You're right. That's right, haha. That's a good way to think of it, hahaha.

You're damned right. That guy's got a nasty disposition, can't act to save his life, and he's an idiot! Definitely not the right man for the job. I was so pissed when I heard he got the part.

Yeah, dodged a bolt there.

Oh, it's getting late. I need to head back soon.

I-I gotta go too, Miss Shêng-shêng. See you again. Uh, no, not quite right. We probably won't see each other again. Thanks for the autograph.

Uh, wait!

Hm?

Lady Zhang, the sands in Na-lan are ever roiling. It's a one-way trip. Will you ever make your way back here? Will we ever meet again?

Yün, one can only make one's way home if there is a home. We will meet if fate allows, but there is no telling what the world has in store for us. Take care.

Heh, you really love this book, don't ya?

See you around!

The next day...

Agh... My head hurts. Hangovers suck... I shouldn't have had so much to drink last night. Urgh... I'm dying.

Shêng-shêng, what's going on?

Hey, Lihua. Do you have any hot milk today? Skim? Get me a cup, will you?

Sorry, Shêng-shêng, but I'm just about to close up and go home. Sorry that I can't help you.

You're closing? What's going on? Things looked alright when I was here yesterday.

*Sigh*... We got robbed last night, and the thief knocked over a couple shelves when he ran away. The whole store was a mess. I only just finished cleaning up.

Oh, what about the thief? Did you catch him?

Phew—He got caught alright. Bao caught him herself. She got hurt in the scuffle. Broke off a huge chunk of her horn.

Huh? Where's Bao now?!

Slow down, Shêng-shêng. She's okay. She's just at the hospital to get some ointment for her horn. She'll be back.

Right, she can hold her own in a fight. That's an unlucky thief who runs into her. Oh, right, has anyone been asking about me?

We've had a couple sketchy-looking reporters asking where you've been. I sent them on their way after I fed them some BS, just like Bao told me too.

(Scratches head) Sorry for all the trouble. I'll take you guys out for a meal one of these days!

It's thanks to you that Bao and I can put down roots here in Lungmen. It's the least we can do.

Hehe, lucky I get all my drinks here, right?

That only goes so far... Oh, right, Shêng-shêng. Do you have all your things on you? Wallet, jewelry?

Got everything... I think. Why'd you ask?

The thief talked to you for a while last night, so I was thinking... maybe he stole some of your stuff while you weren't paying attention.

Hehe, there can't be anyone stupid enough to steal from—

Hold on. Who did you say it was?!