Глава 16

At least eat something, Hawley.

Look, white bread. You don't see it much outside the cities.

*sigh*...

<p=1>Far North Tundra, Ursus</><p=2>Three days ago...</>

Huh?

They've started singing...

Nikto! Found you at last.

Come on, Nikto, oddball, city-dweller, professor and cynic. Let's dance. It's just the right kind of music.

Now's not the time for dancing.

The bonfire is going to draw attention in this darkness.

But we found a tractor and a bunch of supplies. Not much, but enough to get us further away from the blasted place. Isn't that worth celebrating?

Unchipped, out of the mines, beat the Patrol Units, and now we have a tractor and supplies. It's beyond my wildest dreams.

Where are Vetochki and Rankin?

You're always looking for them. It's not like you're bound to each other. It's okay to give them a little breathing room, you know.

I do happen to know where Rankin is, though. Beside that bonfire that you don't like. Want to join us?

Last question. Who's playing the accordion?

You'll find out, if you come with!

Nikto takes the gloveless hand offered to him. The palm is rough but warm, different from any other in those memories that he has intentionally forgotten.

They walk in the direction of the bonfire and music.

He...

I said he was here.

Yes, he is here.

Many times Nikto saw him clench his hands into fists, or swing a weapon.

Nikto could not imagine how those hands, knotted with scars and thick with veins, could operate something as delicate as an accordion.

He plays the accordion?

Yeah. What about it?

By the fireside, Rankin's callused fingers leap across the keyboard, as he gently pulls and presses the bellows.

Music fills the air.

See? I told you.

Come, don't just stand there. It's not like we get to relax every day!

I...

She catches him like a hunter catches prey. As he is brought into the crowd, his feet instinctively begin to step in rhythm.

Nikto was once an excellent dance partner. He tried to stop thinking about 'once' when he came to the mining district.

Get that frown off your brow and everything off your mind. Just dance, let your body move and rid yourself of all your troubles.

The crowd moves and sings to the beat, responding to the rhythm with every joint in their bodies.

It is the simplest, most primitive form of dance.

...Hah.

Nikto exhales and begins to move, bending his knees, kicking and spinning, every movement animated and rhythmic.

I knew it! You can dance!

See? I figured no one could deny the energy here.

Nikto does not answer, continuing to kick and turn mechanically, unemotionally.

Step forward and step back, jump and turn, until the next downbeat.

He takes the hands of his dance partner, and begins to lead the dance.

Wow—

No need to thank me.

No humility in you, is there? But...

It's clear that you're really good at dancing, even to an untrained eye. Your speed, and this 'magic' under your feet... it's almost like flying.

What do they call it? <i>Pas?</i> E-<i>Enchainement?</i>

Call it the pathetic instincts of an ornament.

What do you mean—

There is no explanation. Stepping energetically in time, Nikto pulls his partner towards him, then pushes her in the opposite direction.

Laughing, she runs into a young man without a partner, but eager to try, and so Nikto lets go and hands her over to her new partner.

By the time the dance has ended, Nikto is standing very near Rankin. Take one step back, and he would be sitting by Rankin's side.

But Nikto does not do so. Before he opens his mouth, he reminds himself: Do not press. Ask Rankin about the truth calmly, gently. Do not cause a commotion.

Do not interrupt this rare moment of joy.

I didn't know you played the accordion.

I didn't know you danced.

I guess we're not close enough to share everything.

But there is something you must tell me, if you really consider me a friend.

You went to see Hawley. Is he still not eating?

What did you expect?

We need to talk, Rankin...

Rankin sighs, brings the melody to a close, and hands the accordion to a nearby miner.

Nikto recognizes the face of Pavel, Bogina's brother. Is Bogina still running a fever? He does not know.

Pavel takes the accordion and begins to sing an unfamiliar song.

Lively, soaring, yet sad.

'Sweet soft fragile flower, lean against the oak tree...'

'Hang not your head, nor sway with the wind...'

(Hushed) Let's talk over there.

Rankin gets up, and they leave the crowd and commotion behind.

You didn't need to do that.

You could have done it yourself, like you usually did. I would have praised you for your kindness, if you had sent Hawley away on some sort of pretext when you did the deed.

But why did you make Hawley do it?

'Rankin the Noble.' 'Rankin the Hero.' Is it not enough that you've triumphed over the foe? Did you need to torture your own comrades like that?

Does it make you happy? Make your victory more glorious? Why did you—

Because I was angry.

Yes... I won't make excuses, pretend that I expected Hawley to let his son go. This was what I wanted. I'm happy about it.

Should I be calm? Should I be merciful? End his pain like you said? Why should I?

Did you think the people who were loaded into their containers did not beg for mercy? Beg for someone to end their pain?

You accuse me of being unkind. Who would accuse those beasts on their behalf?

I do not understand them. They look human and they speak the language of humans, but their deeds are more monstrous than any monster.

How could they prey upon their own kind like that, so calmly, so coldly?

This difference frightens me. It's as though... as though we never shared the same human dignity with them. If they're not the monsters... then it must be me who is the monster.

Rankin's words are clear, his tone impassive, as he gazes into the black night. Nikto wants to turn Rankin's head around and make him say it to Nikto's own face.

But he does nothing.

Silence.

But you were right. I didn't need to do that.

It's pointless...

You're torturing yourself, Rankin.

You shouldn't pretend to be as strong as you think you are, and you shouldn't demand that others be as strong.

It's not my place to accuse you. You carry the responsibility of everyone on your shoulders. You must become the hero. It's a remarkable thing.

But you can't pretend that the fear and hesitation in your heart don't exist... you're trying to hide from yourself.

The result is what happened today... you lost control. It's dangerous. You don't know what you might do, the next time your emotions get the better of you.

Thank you for the warning... I'll remember it.

Let's gather the others and put the bonfire out. It's time to go—how far until the next village?

...Let's wait a while longer.

They're happy. They haven't been so happy for a long time. We found a vehicle, and we're one step closer to the Kazimierzian border... let them enjoy themselves a little longer, and warm themselves up a bit.

You enjoyed yourself when you danced just now, didn't you?

What about Hawley? Do you still care about how he's feeling?

He won't eat anything, and he's not responding to people talking to him.